Beauty as subjectively defined, society, and media

Lately I've heard a ton of comments from people and also have read a bunch of stuff involving the topic of physical beauty. These comments range from issues surrounding underlying self-esteem to hatred and even malice.

Here are some examples:

• "I'm 24 and still a virgin. No guy will ever want to (do) me."
• "I hate the engagement photos and wedding photos that people post in their profile pictures. Every day they remind me of how single and lonely I am."
• "I'm so ugly. I was bullied in high school and lost 30 pounds. Now guys want me, not for who I am but for my body. When can I find a decent guy?"
• "Why do people post Facebook statuses about how wonderful their significant others are? Are they out just to laugh at me?"
• "The girls who talk about "27 and still single" are just too messed up to get anyone."
• "Someone recently confided in me that she got raped. At least she was attractive enough that someone wanted to rape her."
• "I'm too fat. Nobody wants me."
• "Why can't I get a guy?"
• "No one likes the nice guys."
• "Nice guys always finish last."
• "I'm single, unemployed, and living in my childhood bedroom. I'm a loser."

  Whatever people and society think about these comments, these words still reflect underlying issues - doubt, uncertainty, regret, lack of self-esteem and self-worth, even jealousy and hatred. Despite these facts, this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.

• Life is what life is, but you control how you're portrayed.  Whatever your beliefs are - atheism, God, Buddha, Allah, Sikh, animistic beliefs, etc - uniqueness was endowed onto your body and your mind. Despite how cliched this sounds, your soul, your mind, and your spirit are things that you control. The looks you were born with will remain, but it's the way that you react and portray to them that define who you are. Think about it - the girl who is beautiful but hides her face in fear will never be noticed by people, but the girl who stands tall and proud will be noticed because her face will be visible to the world.
• Plastic surgery can come along, but it also comes with other, "unhideable" results. Anyone who has had surgery will tell you that the recovery process is extremely, extremely painful. And the thing is that physical beauty is temporary. Eventually, the human body, due to telomere shortening in DNA will overcome telomerase, and starts degenerating. Wrinkles will set in, no matter how many botox injections you get and how many nose jobs, tummy tucks, etc you get. Think about it this way - suppose you are very successful and are able to get botox injections to paralyze your facial muscles every week. Your muscles will still limit your facial expressions, and even if your face may look younger, the other parts of your body - mottled skin on your hands, your weak knees and presbyopic eyes will give your true age away.
•  Rape is a horrible tragedy and crime. Contrary to popular belief, rape isn't about sexual desire or arousal. It is, more than anything, about control, power, and stems from anger. Think about the 70-year old woman who was raped. Boko haram. Nanjing. The women in these tragedies have numerous differences in factors of age, attractiveness, body types, etc. What do they have in common though? They were all in situations where perpetrators were assuming control of situations. Conflicts involving anger and violence. Rape isn't a beautiful thing; it's a sad consequence of choices and situation resulting in violence and rage.
• Engagement, marriage, and having children are beautiful passages of life and are celebrated. When one becomes jealous of people displaying their lives publicly, imagine what they are thinking on the other side of the situation.  I'm so happy XY proposed after 9 years of dating. I'm finally getting security after years of uncertainty. I can finally take my OkCupid account down for good. My parents will finally stop nagging me about having grandchildren. I'll be able to give my daughter the brooch my mom gave to me. Aren't these beautiful thoughts? There's bad enough news on years of conflict, problems in government, sensationalized trials and internet pirating, among numerous other subjects. Isn't good news something to celebrate?  
•  Life is what you make of it. Yes, this is a cliche, but these words reveal a great deal of truth. Everyone is born with weaknesses and vices, but it's how they deal with them that defines who they are and what they make of themselves. Think of Lizzie Velasquez, one of the world's thinnest people who was born with a condition that could not allow her to have any body fat. She was scorned and ridiculed at school, to the point where someone posted a YouTube video naming her the "ugliest girl alive". Yet she didn't let that stop her. She focused on the positive parts of herself - the fact that she only had to buy half the contact lenses that most people buy because she could only see through one eye, the fact that she has beautiful, ravishing hair, the fact that she graduated from college. As Condoleezza Rice once said, ""You can't change your circumstances, but you can change your response to them." Lizzie did exactly that, and because of it, people see her inner beauty and strength, and admire her for her bravery and courage all at the same time.

Bottom line - everyone has their share of insecurities, faults and weaknesses. But it is our actions, our thoughts, and beliefs that ultimately dictate what we are and how the world perceives of us. A wise friend of mine once told me that when you show your true self, and when you proudly present yourself the way you really are, when you are happy for others and accept your own life, others will see that, and truly respect and admire you.

I encourage everyone to go out there and proudly show your true selves. I wish you the best in your lives and endeavors.

Thoughts on relationships

Ahh... relationships, relationships, relationships. The subject of much gossip, the lore of rom-com movies and sitcoms, the giggly-girly feelings and awkwardness that young girls and boys feel, all the way to the more practical aspects of arranged marriages, tradition, courtship and beyond.

Growing up, like many other little girls, I was caught up with the idealistic romanced version of love. Of a handsome prince sweeping me off my feet and into a castle (well, Kate Middleton did that, but it took a lot of work). Some tumultuous relationship with ups and downs like Carrie Bradshaw. Heaps of exciting dates, amazing adventures, cuddling by the fireplace, etc. Feisty drama and parental concerns.

What did I get in reality?

A mix of some but other surprises.

How we met and our story!

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.....

Nope. No Star Wars trope here.

Dani and I met at a math competition in the eighth grade. Back then, he lived in Pearland and I still lived in Houston. Back in those awkward, glasses-googling and braces-tying days, while we sat there turning math tricks in our brains and thinking of sines and tangents, there was no way we knew that that initial meeting would be the start of a long journey of our lives intertwining, together and together, again and again.

Fast forward four months. My family, in taking its steps to achieving the American Dream, moved out to the suburbs, and I found myself as a freshman in high school in the same biology and English classes as That Nerd! We found ourselves in a friendly rivalry in classes, working together on many projects and assignments together. Whether it was co-writing a re-enactment of Romeo & Juliet, staying up till 2 AM solving calculus problems over the phone, quipping the teachings of Thoreau and Emerson from English, reciting the timelines of the Ancient Egyptian kingdoms, or having AP review sessions at IHOP and Cici's Pizza, we marched hand-in-hand, mind over matter.

Senior high school prom was our first "friend" date. I still remember those fun moments we had - riding in Dani's Lexus down to Galveston's Moody Gardens and having a ball with our friends and fellow teachers. We graduated high school in 2008 and swiftly moved onto college - Rice University. Throughout our years in college, we kept in touch but still just stayed friends.

Until November 4, 2011. During a Sadie-Hawkins dance hosted by Rice University, he asked me out. And, somehow, I said yes.

Some people say it's fate? Others call us high school sweethearts? Old souls? Somehow bets were won that day when we started going out, during our senior year in college. Who knows, it's been quite awhile.

We've been through a lot of things together. Ups, downs, nadirs and zeniths. Whether it was multiple surgeries, family members' weddings, heartbreaks, loss of loved ones, school milestones and setbacks, we've been working hard to help each other along every step of the way. We've been in a long-distance relationship for the last four (five?) years.

Yes, most of our dates are "Skype dates." Yes, we only see each other in person every few months. Yes, no matter how hard we try to hug that image on the computer screen, or call with each other's voices, it still feels like, as Mae best put it, "it's so close but we're so far away." But the most important thing is that we trust one another. we know each other. We've gotten so far in our lives, through trials and triumphs, whether it's in medical school, business school, working in the commercial industry, or doing renovations at home. With this distance, we learned to trust and love one another in ways that we had never imagined.

We got engaged on December 24, 2014, at Galveston Moody Gardens - the place where we had our high school prom. It was quite pre-planned, and we proposed to each other, with our own pre-thought vows. He gave me an engagement ring I had picked out the day before; I gave him an engagement watch (only 1/10th the price of the ring?) that he had picked out that previous day as well.

And with this, we vowed to spend the rest of our living lives together.

We've gotten so far in our lives, through trials and triumphs. God, family, friends, and their spirits have guided us throughout this journey woven through the decades. We hope you will join us in our celebration.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Source: 1

Getting married, engaged, having kids???

Hey guys and gals,

So, currently, I'm a senior in college. I'm 21 years old. I feel like my life is just beginning, that perhaps sometimes I still feel like I'm a child. However, sometimes it seems like my friends, peers, and acquaintances who are around my age are growing up way faster than I am!

Lately, three of my friends have just gotten engaged. One of my former roommates just got married. Several of my friends from high school are having children.

Wow... time is moving so quickly. As my third grade teacher would put it, "Tempus Fugit", or "time flies" in Latin. In a few years, I will be at the age my mother was when she got engaged. However, I am amazed at all of these people 'getting hitched' - I still feel like I'm a child at times; I want to mature more during school, go through professional school, get my career started, etc, before I'm ready to "get married and have kids." Sure, my biological clock is ticking. Every woman's biological clock is constantly ticking. But I have to sacrifice this in order to be able to have a career so that I can provide for my child. So, sorry mom, I can't do what you did when I am at your age. I need to get my career on track first.

On the other hand, the dating scene at my college is TERRIBLE. Most of the boys are very nerdy, shy, or immature, or something. The mature ones are mostly already taken. As a woman jaded by the dating system, "where are all of the decent men in the world?" "Why are all of the decent men taken?"

Lolz.

What do you peeps think of this?

Do you have friends who are engaged, married, or are having children, or already have children? And those who got engaged/married/had children in their late teens/early twenties/in college?

What about the dating scene in your colleges/high schools/graduate schools/work/anywhere?

What is your opinion of the ticking biological clock?

Do you know of any women who want to sacrifice their "mommy career" in lieu of a "professional career"? What's your opinion of women becoming like this?

<3

Stereotypes about Asians

I hate being stereotyped.

When most people see me in this world, what they see is what I am on the outside: an East Asian girl, short, petite, studious, intelligent, cares about parents and parents' expectations, lacks adequate driving skills, opposed to laziness, gets through with merit and diligence.

Granted, I'm taking things from this article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotypes_of_East_Asians_in_the_Western_world

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_minority

I hate this. Barely anyone sees past this bare surface, even people that I've known for a long time. It's absolutely terrible. Why can't people see beyond the obvious? Most people place me in a schema when they meet me - young, innocent, stereotypical Asian. That's it. They don't want to know about my personality, my thirst and need for intellectually-stimulating conversations, my passion for writing, my love of biology, my need to connect with people and my mission to help save the world. All it is is some stereotypical dragon lady or Geisha girl. Terrible.

I wish that people could just look past this barrier. This was what intrigued me about my ex; he was willing to look beyond the obvious and see me for something more, or at least my intellectual side. But ultimately he too placed me in a Dragon Lady/exotic Geisha girl category. Which is why it ended.

Why can't people just look beyond stereotypes and get to know the real person? Why can't they see what is really going on, what I really am, for my self? I spent so much of college trying to find my identity, especially since in HS I was so under the influence of my parents, family, cultural expectations, community expectations, worries about getting into college, and everything. Now that I'm in college, I finally for the first time have an outlet through which I can truly express myself. But ultimately, hardly anyone sees beyond that.

If only I could find someone, someone, a friend who would really look beyond that, beyond what appears on the surface.... that would truly be beautiful....

Dating scene in college....?

Hi guys,

This post is going to be different from other posts I've done; it's going to be more.... personal, I guess, in a way, not (really) beauty-related, more about life.

From what you guys have gathered from my previous posts, you can probably tell I'm a college student. Yes, I'm a college student, and I'm a double-majoring pre-med at what many people would classify to be a pretty prestigious university. My grades are all right (my GPA is above a 3.8), I live in a dorm, I've finished most of my pre-med requirements and stuff, and I'm pretty much) squared away for med school.

So, now onto the stuff in my personal life. The dating scene at my college... basically sucks. Usually, I would describe the dating scene at any school to be a continuum:

<------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>
Hook-ups              Casual Dating               Exclusive Dating         Engaged         Married

Now, some people might think this scale is silly, but this is basically what it's like in my mind. Different schools have different styles. At my college, it's mostly one of the extremes; people either go to random parties to find others to hook up with, or others are exclusively, steadily dating, in very serious relationships, and I have quite a few friends that are engaged, getting married soon (congratulations! I'm going to their weddings soon).

http://www.adayforyouweddings.com/

Where does that leave for people who want to try to get into the dating scene, and dislike hook-ups? Not really anything.

Personally, I don't like hook-ups. I want emotional commitment, I don't do hook-ups, that sort of thing. Then again, I'm barely in my 20s, and I don't want to get engaged/married, especially since I have all of med school, residency, fellowship, etc to do that. I want just some dating or something in-between. Unfortunately, that kind-of doesn't happen that often at my school. People are always incredibly busy, have tons of tests and stuff, and that doesn't leave time for extra stuff like this. I dated a guy at the beginning of this semester, and unfortunately, it didn't work out. I have this construct in my head of what guys and girls look for; predominately, guys look for the physical aspect (at least in the beginning), girls look for the emotional aspect, and gradually, for a relationship to work, it needs to come through to a nice happy medium in the middle.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen in my case. I wanted my (ex-) dude to be more emotionally committed; he (at least in my opinion) wanted body. I couldn't give (that much) to him, at least as of that time. It was really sad, but the break-up was mutual. We felt like it couldn't work out. So I'm back to square one....

 http://dealingwithabreakupadvice.com/

What do you guys/gals look for in a relationship? Do college relationships truly work out? What qualities do you look for in a guy/girl? Do you think the continuum on relationships that I posted above is legit, or real?

Oh yeah, btw, one of my friends and underclassman that I counsel (I'm a counselor as well) showed me this link about guys and girls' thoughts on dating, relationships; it's called ladder theory (the link below will describe it better than I can): http://www.laddertheory.com/

Do you guys/gals think the ladder theory is correct? At least for the general population?

All right, this was a pretty serious post, now time to get back to classes.

<3, chynagrl

To every girl...

Here is an inspirational poem/story/sonnet/tribute that I found a few years ago. I found it at a time in my life when I was really down, had low self-esteem and was really hurt but some things that happened to me. This made me feel a lot better in the sense that it reminded me that I was not alone. There were tons of girls who were going through the same or similar feelings, thoughts, emotions as I was. So today I'd like to share this with you. To every girl who is out there, feeling this way, feeling down, in the depths of despair, here is something that I'd like to give, from my heart to yours, to remind you that you are not alone out there, that there is hope, goodness, and happiness.

<3, chynagrl

To every girl that is SCARED to
put her heart out there again,
because she has been HURT
too many times or so badly.

To every girl that
has been cheated on,
because she's not a slut
who gives it up to any guy.

To every girl that
dresses cute,
not like a skank.

To every girl who
wants to be called
beautiful, not hot.

To every girl that will spend her
whole day looking
for the perfect present for you.

To every girl who gets her heart
broken, because he
chose that bitch instead.

To every girl that would die
to have a decent boyfriend.

To every girl who would just once
like to be treated like a princess.

To every girl that cries at night
because of another heartbreak.

To every girl that won't get
down on her knees & open
her mouth just to get a boyfriend.

To every girl that
just wants to hold hands.

To every girl that
kisses him with meaning.

To every girl who
just wishes he cared more.

To every girl who would just
once want a guy to give their
jacket up when they are cold.

To every girl who
just wants him to call.

To every girl who lies
awake at night thinking about him.

To every girl that
just wants to cuddle.

To every girl that
just wants to sleep with
him without having sex.

To every girl who shows how much
she cares and gets nothing back.

To every girl that thought
"maybe this one could be the one."

To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff
when she actually doesn't think it is funny.

To every girl who is just
looking for that one and
only and is having a rough
time along the way.

To every girl that doesn't want
a guy who just plays with her
emotions but actually cares about
how she feels.

To every girl who wants
words backed up with actions.

To every girl that fell for all the lies
only to find themselves alone in the end.

To every girl that gave her heart away
to have it shoved back in her face.

To every girl that has faith that
"tomorrow will be a better day."
And it will be,

THIS ONE IS FOR YOU.

Marriage

This is such a beautiful, touching story. For all people who are in a relationship, or will be in a relationship, want to be in a relationship, etc - in any kind of romantic relationship, regardless of gender/sex - this story is meant for you.


This was taken from http://bubbiosity.tumblr.com/ (BubzBeauty's Tumblr site). It was originally written by Stephanie Halmilton.


MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

My fave things

I'm just gonna write this entry in order to get some of my thoughts out. I feel like sometimes writing, just for the sake of writing, is a sort of enjoyment in itself. It allows one to express one's feelings without any limitations whatsoever. And that kind of freedom is pure, ethereal bliss...

Anyways, so today I'm gonna write about some of my favorite things from life.
0. Family: My parents and younger sister, who are always there for me and love me unconditionally.
1. Friends: My pals, chums, buddies, who always support me, criticize me informatively, tell me interesting things, teach me things about life, and go through life's turmoils and triumphs with me. We are all in one boat, and that boat keeps on rocking till we reach our final stop in life. Thanks for being in the "same boat" as me =D
2. Facebook: so useful for keeping up with friends!
3. Pencils: number 2 pencils have kept me going in this world for a long long time.
4. Vitamins: of course you need your daily dose of goodness! (Vitamin C Goodness go!)
5. Camis: very versatile piece of clothing
6. Jeans: After HS, I decided I never really wanted to wear khakis again (unless if I absolutely had to). You guys are awesome.
7. Earrings: dangly ones especially. Aren't they pretty?
8. Gum: a healthy alternative to candy! I didn't learn how to blow bubbles until HS (sad, I know). But even before then they were awesome for keeping one's breath fresh and also having lots of fun with.
9. Nalgene water bottles: So environmentally-friendly, not needing to buy new Ozarka water bottles from the store anymore, instead just refilling the same bottle again and again!
10. Coffee mugs: great for morning waker-upers. Perfect for sipping green tea with!

I'll post another one of these "fave things" later - this is just a rambling for now. There are so many things I like in life - definitely more than the 10 listed above.

Happiness in the sunset of the day...


Image cred: http://www.venkywallpapers.com/sunset/

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hi Everybody!

So today is the day famously (infamously?) known as the day of love...

So I bought a bunch of candy from Target to give to my friends and co-workers. It was actually quite fun, and I'm really glad they enjoyed it.

Anyways, Happy Valentine's Day to all, and may you all find the love of your life!!!

Image cred: chynagrl

Much love, chynagrl